In recruitment, we have the 'pleasure' of reading many job specs / role profiles / job descriptions. Of course they come in many different forms, but one thing they have in common (well most of the time anyway!) is their ability to actually not say what they mean! How many times do our candidates actually ask us what they mean? Well, I thought it would be amusing to list some alternatives for some of the standard lines on a spec, profile or description. Surely they can't be true.....can they?
COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
FLEXIBLE HOURS:
Work 55 hours; get paid for 38
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Management communicates, you listen and figure out what they want you to do.
ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD:
You whine and you're fired.
CAREER-MINDED:
We expect that you will want to work until you are 70.
SELF-MOTIVATED:
Management won't answer your questions
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
You will work late each night and most weekends
DUTIES WILL VARY:
You will be required to make coffee and fetch sandwiches every day.
COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT:
We have a lot of staff turnover - don't expect your colleagues to be friendly.
SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:
We're not going to supply you with leads; you will get no help, apart from the telephone directory and the phone to get you started.
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll be able to dress well.
SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED:
If we're in trouble, you'll go on TV and get us out of it.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You're walking into a company that is a state of perpetual chaos.
Humour or the truth? Certainly some of these above have been true in my career!!
